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My closest friends would most certainly tell you Vonnie-land is awesome, and they love to visit. Of course, I think it’s pretty cool as well – It’s the reason why it’s named in an amusement park style.

fun park

If you haven’t read any of my other blogs, you are likely to be confused and lost. That’s okay, I usually am too – it’s a normal part of living here in the VL.

There are no road maps to Vonnie-land. treasure No signs that read “open for business,” no set hours, no directions, no “X” marks the spot, and the only real rides are reserved for Sandy. :)

Vonnie-land is a state of being. It’s where I live.

I’ve written ‘travel’ blogs about adventures in Vonnie-land, and what it’s like to live here. If you click on my name – over there on the right side, listed under contributors, you’ll find all kinds of them.

OR – I can put the link in for you right HERE… :)

And all of this is a round-a-bout way to get to my point – because I do have one :)

My friends and family are wondering where I’ve been, and why I’ve been so distracted the last few months. So have I, really.

Here’s the truth.

It’s isn’t always fun and games here in the VL

Sometimes – it looks like this:

abandoned amusement park

I’ve spent the time torturing myself, and wondering why I was having such an impossible time with The Deadening, Book Three in the Sisters of Spirits Trilogy.

10457261_10203184480286898_1096700403_oShade & Raven’s story.

I crashed another computer during the creative process – and that is a valid reason to be behind. But that didn’t validate the inability to finish.

I have written, rewritten, added, and deleted hundreds of pages containing Shade’s story.

And still, I couldn’t get near typing “The End.”

Mini-nervous breakdowns, crying fits, bitching sessions, and banging my head against the keyboard, didn’t help one tiny bit – only created more depression – which circled around to the mini nervous breakdowns, and so on…

The more I couldn’t finish and deliver, the more I disappointed myself – the worst I felt – and ‘round we go again. It’s been a very popular ride in Vonnie-Land these last three months.

It’s not as if I didn’t know how the book would go, or that I had a creative block in my way. I’ve known Shade’s story even before I wrote, The Awakening, the FIRST book in the series.

So, last night while I washed dishes, I let my mind wander around Vonnie-Land, (Sometimes – I can find some really interesting stuff in there) and continued to look for an answer in all of the excess (and unnecessary) emotional chaos I’ve created over the situation.

*Now, cue scary music* and imagine being seated in an old rollercoaster.

Strap in and hold on to your seats, the ride is about to begin.

haunted amusement park

After the 3rd trip around the tracks, and halfway through 4th, I finally heard the words:
“Self-sabotage.”

(Which switched the roller coaster car careening onto a different, hidden track)

I laughed, because the voice was my BFF’s – and exactly what she would have said to me (had I asked her to begin with.)

(Sharp turn, hold on.)

I’m thinking fondly of my best friend who lives miles and miles away.

(A huge climb to the top – over it – and our car is racing now)

Instead of Vonnie-Land – She affectionately calls that state of mind, ‘Yvonne’s-out-picking-daisies-in-the-minefield-again.’

daisy and minefield

(The ride finally coasts to a stop.)

*We can get off.*

The ride led me to the simplest answer of all (and probably why it took so long for me to find it.)

I haven’t been able to enter into my manuscript – any of the last four endings I’ve written…

…because I didn’t (and don’t) want to say goodbye.

Next week I’ll have time to post about the grief leaving my characters behind has created for me. Today, I have an ending to Shade’s story to decide on and stick with – so I can finally, finally – hit SEND.

For now, I can turn off the lights, close, and then lock the gates to Vonnie-land.

Temporarily :)

Ya’ll come back now.

Have an awesome day!

My song for the day (the one I woke up with) is: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
blvd-of-broken-dreams

I’m getting off the boulevard – and heading for the hills!

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