Top of the Morning to you and all that.
This is one of those occasions that I get to write on a 5th Monday!
I was going to write about building a series – but that’s a subject that isn’t going anywhere and will have as much impact when I write it. Today I’m going to talk about selfless acts and selfish behaviors.
I’m going to stress here – this is only MY opinion – and may not be true for others.
I consider my depression is selfish. I try and find my way around in the dark and watch the people who love me most struggle and try to “fix” it.
I struggle to fix it.
I pray and give things to the Universe. I pretend, post, and do positive things to change my energy.
Let’s put aside the empathy for a second – although it contributes, now that I’m aware and of it and know how to somewhat control it – I’m left with me.
No matter where I go – there I am.
My entire life – I struggled with addictions and unhealthy behaviors to change the way I think and feel.
And in the end, when I’m done trying to fix myself – I’m still left with the Tortoise meandering it’s path, drawing back into my shell.
It’s okay – I have a point!
Writing gives me escape and healthy characters – for the most part 🙂 Or at least characters I get to “fix.”
Yay for writing!
I’m wondering why I’m baring my soul.
Maybe – It’s because I feel I can today.
Looking out from behind a metaphorical wool blanket yesterday – I watched my beautiful (inside and out) wife shaving her head – wanting to support women who had no choice in keeping their own hair during their battles with cancer.
I have made decisions that would break your heart – and continue to break mine.
But not this one.
I heard a little voice tell me to “do something selfless” Make it count.
I have hid behind my hair for decades. I had the perfect Farrah hair during the perfect time and lived my party days through the 80’s. My hair has always been my ego’s security.
But you know what? I listened to that voice – and I feel wonderful. I feel free and I feel “unselfish” and relieved.
Because people that I love have no choice – they gave it up unwillingly. And I’m so happy to know that I have it in ME – to show selflessness.
I have an awesome gift of communication – and I can say the perfect things and the perfect time to have the biggest impact.
But this was a gift that needed no words. I wanted only to show solidarity for my sisters. For the women who feel helpless and scared. I want this to be a hug for you.
Because today I’m not wrapped in that wool blanket. I am exposed and vulnerable in a very good way.
My tears and prayers are for YOU today.
So thank YOU for your bravery and sharing your stories with me.
I appreciate YOU.