Has it been a month already? The time flies and all that 🙂
I’ve done some soul searching, you know – thinking about the stuff you’re supposed to after a heart attack. I came to some excellent conclusions.
There is no time to waste here. “Someday” isn’t an option as it was when I was younger – Or more importantly, pre-heart-attack.
Time to stop procrastinating.
The time is now – right now – and now…
you get the picture 🙂
I’ve split my life into before and after – yet again.
When I look back – I can remember all these huge life events and see them as if I’m a different person.
It’s because I am 🙂
And my perception has changed again.
All of this sounds wonderful, yes?
I had two whole glorious months while the committee was silent.
My skin fit, I accepted life on life’s terms, and all that wonderful stuff that well adjusted people know instinctively. With the generous outpouring of love and support from my friends and family – and online friends and family – I felt invincible and accepted. None of that crap in my head mattered. You truly find who and what’s important in a life and death situation.
Overnight, I had lost my insecurities. I compared things in my mind with this statement in mind… “Would this (insert situation) matter if I was flat on my back in the ambulance again?”
And the answer is always, no.
There are so many things that I’d like to change and I don’t feel as if I have “someday” to fall back on. I’m really feeling my mortality.
I missed my deadline for my new rom-com, Along Came Aislin.
Can’t feel remotely good about that. Even if my health has kept me down.
I have new ideas daily. Then I get depressed because I don’t feel as if I have enough time to write them. And I can’t (or don’t feel as if) I can work on new stories when I haven’t finished that one.
Oh loooook, guilt… You can take the girl out of the catholic school – but you can’t take the catholic out of the girl.
AAAAAND like a rubber band that’s stretched and released – the committee comes rushing back.
Evidently, like most things I’ve thought I’ve let go of – the insecurities had a bungee cord attached!
So, do insecure people write? or does writing make us insecure?
So now I’m a cliche – ha-ha!
The thing about not writing for a while is this: it gets harder and harder to throw myself back in to a story. Any story. I spent the time reading a hundred books or so. But the unfinished one haunted me daily.
I thought about giving up writing. And being remembered for Sometime Yesterday and my Sisters Trilogy – Saving myself from all the crap the committee and I do to myself in the process. I have a hundred excuses all lined up.
Then I realize: I don’t have to have any. It’s as simple as, do I want to write? Forget all of the publishing drama I put myself through. Do I want to tell stories?
The answer is, yes – I do! There will be changes – there has to be for my sanity – but I can handle them IF I go back to my daily question….
Is this going to matter…
The good news is I’ve opened my laptop (after having had to get it fixed – again) and fell in love with Aislin all over again.
It’s classic Yvonne humor – and I love it.
She’ll be fashionably late – but I hope ya’ll fall in love with her as well. I’ll battle the committee and bungee cords again – because the end result is what I love – sharing my stories with readers!
Have a great day.
Congrats to all of the Goldie Winners!
And I’ll leave you with this – I’m truly honored that The Quickening, Book Two in the Sisters of Spirits trilogy was a finalist in the Paranormal category. How cool is it to see your book on the big screen?