Y’all, it’s basically Andi and KD week up in here. SMOOCHES!
Anyway, I have to talk to you about this, friends, because it’s on my mind every year when the holiday
freakout season is upon us.
You know the ones. Those round-the-clock (it seems) Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel. The cheesy, heterocentric (and mostly white and able-bodied) movies that have pretty simple formulas. You know, like, woman meets guy and they don’t mesh at all — the guy is usually some laid-back casual dude and the woman is some uptight corporate type but the magic of Christmas brings them together. Or maybe the guy has a tragic past. Like, he lost his wife and oh, he can’t possibly open his heart again but here comes the charming misfit woman and ANOTHER Christmas miracle…moar luv!
And fortunately for us, someone invented a drinking game based on some of the themes of the movies, because that’s how a lot of us get through them at holiday gatherings. LOL
And so it goes. I’m not sure what it is about these movies, but they can be kind of addictive (holy shit, y’all, my parents literally put the Hallmark movie schedule in their phones this time of year…I can’t even) and I will admit that I’ve gotten sucked in a few times and invariably what I always do is lament loudly,
“OH, HALLMARK! HIRE ME TO WRITE BIG GAY CHRISTMAS MOVIES!!!!”
I mean, how much fun would that be, people, if we had holiday movies with all kinds of LGBTQ people, differently-abled people, and people of color and queer spaces…IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN. I mean, I’ve written holiday cheer (no, really. I have). I could totally do this.
Because, friends, representation MATTERS.
And fortunately, the message is percolating.
Behold! Look what has happened!
A F/F Thanksgiving movie! “Lez Bomb,” in which a young woman goes home for Thanksgiving with some life-changing news. Trailer:
And then Autostraddle got some gossip, like 2 days ago and Heather Hogan announced it thus:
“Rejoice, Rejoice! Kristen Stewart Will Star in the Lesbian Christmas Rom-Com of Your Wildest Holigay Dreams!”
WHAT’S THIS? Kristen Stewart? The Kristen Stewart who did this epic SNL skit that made us all think about Totino’s pizza rolls in a completely different way?
That’s right, friends. Hollywood Reporter says that Stewart is in talks for Clea DuVall’s holiday F/F rom-com that will be coming out (SEE WHAT I DID THERE) from TriStar Pictures. DuVall and writing partner Mary Holland are doing a movie called “Happiest Season” and it’s about a young woman all stoked to propose to her girlfriend at her family’s annual holiday party but OH NOEZ the girlfriend isn’t out to her conservative parents.
Which makes me wonder — DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS, that you didn’t know she wasn’t out to her parents? I mean…did you not meet the parents? And how the hell do you end up wanting to marry someone who YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WAS NOT OUT TO HER PARENTS? This is puzzling to me.
But I’m sure angst and hijinks will ensue and I am a bit curious about how this story will unfold, what with one woman not knowing that her partner doesn’t have the relationship with her family that she thought. But Clea DuVall is amazing, and I’m sure this will be the shizzle.
AND THEN! I saw that tello Films is calling for pitches for a queer lady holiday film!
For those not in the know, tello Films is a subscription-based site that creates web series and films for queer women (full disclosure–I’m a subscriber). If you’re not familiar with them, run on over and check out some of their free content and then freaking sign up!
Anyway, tello is looking for F/F holiday movie scripts! Here’s the scoop:
tellofilms.com and DASH Productions strives to support upcoming filmmakers and writers who want to make content for our community. Where is our QUEER LADY CHRISTMAS MOVIE!? Hallmark, Lifetime and the studios aren’t going to give it to us so we are going to make it ourselves! To fill this void we are launching a Holiday PITCH TO PRODUCTION contest.
We are looking for writers and directors with queer lady holiday stories that need to be told. If you have a concept that you would like to see come to fruition, send us a written pitch. We are looking for a feature length script.
Pitches will be reviewed by tello CEO Christin Baker, VP of Development Bridget McManus and the DASH Production team we will choose the winner. Baker or McManus will work with the winner on developing their script. The winning pitch will receive $500 and have their script produced.
You have until December 31, so get on this! Save us from all the drinking games we’re playing watching Hallmark movies and give us moar queer lady holiday movies!
So. Things, I think, are changing. But we’ll have to keep pushing. And for funsies, what are some F/F plots you’d like to see in holiday movies? Tell me in the comments! GIVE US ALL HOPE!!!
Happy Friday and may The Force be with you.