Keeping Friends is HARD

One of the things I’ve been absolutely obsessed with in the past couple of months is the movie Wine Country on Netflix. If anyone reading this knows me, you’ll more than likely nod your head and mumble to yourself, “Ummm, yeah, it’s fucking annoying, Erin…”

I apologize. From the bottom of my heart.

But come on. It’s an amazing movie. It’s about older female friendships and now that I’m actually one of those “older females,” the message was received. Loud and clear.

I loved everything about the movie. From Amy Poehler to Tina Fey (of course, she’s my future wife *wink wink*) to Emily Spivey and the only other woman that could take Tina’s place, Paula Pell. Every actress in it stole the show at one point or another, and I’m gonna be honest, there is nothing I love more than strong, female characters who aren’t afraid to break down when it’s appropriate. 

About two weeks after the movie was released, I actually went on a girls’ trip myself to the wonderful land of Las Vegas, Nevada. *cue Frank Sinatra*

Listen. I love Vegas. I know a lot of people hate it, and okay, fine, I’ll let you hate it if you absolutely must. But there is nothing I don’t love about the lights, the people, the heat, the loud machines… I really do love everything. Well, except losing money gambling, but I digress.

My group of friends who were going (and my girlfriend) all had things happening in our lives that were hard to deal with, so the trip was going to be an escape from reality. We all needed a break from our lives. Like, STAT. Now, if anyone has seen Wine Country, you know they start the trip thinking it’s going to be one way and by the end they’re all going, “ummm… this is not what we expected at all.”

It’s so funny, because during the movie I kept thinking, “ohhh, that’s hilarious! But it’ll never happen to my girls’ trip.”

ursela

WRONG.

Absolutely wrong. I had a breakdown, my best friend had a breakdown, we all had fucking breakdowns. It was awful. But at the end of it, I think we all learned things about each other we probably wouldn’t have otherwise.

Not to mention I got to see Celine Dion live, which was the soul purpose of the trip and, let’s be real, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. (evidence below – yes, that is me sobbing…)

One of the reasons I bring all of this up is because I have learned that as I age, it is so very hard to make new friends. I think it must be true for a lot of older women, but damn. It’s anxiety-inducing and, at the expense of sounding very dramatic, it’s super difficult. 

wine country drink

While writing, I try very hard to always have strong, supporting, friend characters for my mains, because of two reasons: 1) friends are so necessary; and 2) they help ground the character when shit starts getting real. It’s that slap across the face we all need from time to time to snap us out of whatever the hell we are going through.

create-a-life-to-love

 

Speaking of my books, my latest romance novel, Create a Life to Love, has some pretty awesome friends in it… Check it out!

 

 

What I want to leave you with is this: the great thing about Wine Country is it shows a group of women, how they’ve changed, how they’ve ultimately stayed the same, and how they all continue to love each other – especially when times get tough. It’s okay to rely on each other. Reach out, ask for help, vent to your friends. They can handle it. 

Because what they can’t handle is losing you. 

9 comments

  1. Wish everybody could have good friends. Just had lunch with 3 of mine. Went to HS together over 60 years ago. Loved your book, Create a Life to Love. Keep writing please. Sally

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  2. I agree with the friend part, I moved to a new state then retired, limited chance to meet and make friends. My strong friend and soul mate in my wife (40years). I feel so blessed to have her in my life. However, I’d like a friend to have lunch with occasionally.

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  3. I loved Wine Country for the exact same reasons you mentioned. I’m absolutely blessed to have several wonderful women friends in my life–some of them spanning back to my childhood, some of them recently discovered–and I don’t know what I would do without them. I connect to each like a puzzle piece I didn’t know was missing until we snapped into place together and they made my life that much more vibrant. Thanks for sharing, Erin! Here’s to finding more pieces to our puzzles!

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  4. I loved your blog! I haven’t seen Wine Country but will. Re emotional gatherings with friends- my getaway with my friends is coming up, a week today. I just want fun – no breakdowns, no surprises. But if something else happens, I have your blog bookmarked for reference 😉.

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  5. Love this! A fellow Vegas lover! I introduced Vegas to my gf last year during GCLS and now she asks me daily, “So, when are we going back?” It’s a magical place.

    I’m going to have to finally sit down and watch Wine Country. I haven’t had much time due to recently moving, which, to go along with the theme of your post, adds a tricky element to making and keeping friends. I’ve moved ten times in my life. Forunately, my family stayed put long enough for me to make friends in school and I’ve been even more fortunate to have two solid friendships that have lasted twenty-plus years. But now that I’m in my thirties, you said it…making friends is TOUGH!

    Thank you for writing about adult friendships and all of their complexities!

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