One of the things I love so much about being a writer is being able to write about some of my greatest fears and, in the end, calm them. Something I struggle a lot with, and I’ve written about this one other time, is anxiety. I am sure a lot of people can relate to the crippling fear anxiety can cause. One of the symptoms I get, which is oh so fun, is my heart starts to race and I feel as if the walls are closing in on me. I think the worst part, is sometimes I don’t even know what I’m anxious about. I’m just… anxious.

anxiety
my description of anxiety…

For some people, they’re able to harness the anxious energy and, as my very good friend, Jean Copeland says, “flick that fuck right off your shoulder.” What a wonderful way to live. Seriously. When something bothers you, if you can’t control it, then flick that fuck! I am working so hard on doing just that. Most of the time, I am a nervous wreck, and the rest of the time? I’m a head case. Yeah, yeah, I can tell you all are thinking about how much I must be to be around.

Something I have been trying to do is be more honest about who I am and what takes up space in my brain. I have a lot of fears. I have small ones like spiders and snakes. I had to actually remove a snake from our lanai earlier this month and I legit thought my heart was going to explode.

Guess what?

did you die

I didn’t die!

Some of my other fears are a little bigger. Like speeding and getting pulled over. I still speed but if I see a cop I am immediately scared. One of my fears is not knowing when to keep my mouth shut. Surprise, surprise, I still open my big mouth, even when I know I shouldn’t. Another one is turning into my father who basically killed himself by not taking care of his body as he aged. This seems less like something I’ll actually do, but who knows? Working out sucks as you get older!

And the one fear that is the hardest for me to get control of is the fear of criticism and not being liked by people.

Side note: Writing probably wasn’t the best profession to chase when handling criticism is so very hard for me, because, gasp that means people might not like me or something I wrote…

Sigh. It really is hard.

I think the best part about understanding my anxiety, my fears, is knowing how to control them. I read an article the other day about how this woman controls her anxiety by cleaning her house. She likes things neat and tidy, so knowing she will come how to a clean house calms her down. I liked that a lot, because she’s not ashamed of being anxious. She’s ready to do whatever it takes to get a handle on it, though. And not so other people are comfortable around her, but so she can be comfortable in her own skin.

We all have our ways of dealing with ourselves. I try to close my eyes and visualize myself standing alone in nature. Sometimes it works, other times it makes me really sad. Sad that I have to do that… remove myself from my own world for a few minutes just to relax.

I’ve realized not everyone is going to like everyone. People sometimes aren’t going to jive, or get along, or even like each other in the slightest. And that really is okay. I think learning that truth and how to navigate those sometimes shark-infested waters is helping me to get a handle on my anxiety, though. Instead of fearing something that may never happen, I am trying to live a life where I truly am living for myself.

Do you suffer from anxiety? Or any other mental health phenomenon? How do you get a handle on yourself or your surroundings? Leave a note below. I am genuinely interested in knowing. Obviously, the more we discuss our mental health, the less stigma surrounds it. And really, don’t we all like talking about ourselves just a little?

dont make me sing

Hopefully your weekends are filled with non-anxiety causing activities. And if not, well, here’s to finding a way to breathe our way through them. Have a great weekend. 🙂

17 comments

  1. I can relate to your anxiety about 150%! It can be crippling and it’s just hard to get a handle on. Like you, sometimes I don’t even know why I’m anxious! All I do is worry about something bad happening to my family or the house burning down or getting an IRS letter in the mail! (That did really happen once, so now I’m phobic about it). It could be just a sign of the times. All we hear about is bad stuff. I quit watching the news—period! All I need to know is on my computer home page and I have a choice whether or not to read it. Don’t feel too bad about your anxiety because —really, how much of what we worry about actually happens? Now as I near the end of my life (I’m 76 years and counting way too fast) I’ve suddenly come to the reality that worrying has never gotten me anywhere at all. Let’s both just stop it and live for the moment. Sounds good to me– it can be done, I’m sure of it! Oh, and by the way, I really love your books!

    Liked by 1 person

    • First, thank you so much, Dorothy! So glad my words resonate with you – either book-wise or blog-wise! And honestly, LET’S JUST STOP AND LIVE FOR THE MOMENT! AGREED! I’m willing to give it a go if you are! 🙂

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  2. Raising my hand. I have it, too. I just want to hug you so long and hard that it squeezes the fucks right out! I’ll tell you my story over a beer someday if you want to hear it. It’s rife with all the typical stuff– terrible feelings, invasive thoughts, physical torture, and self-reprisal for being so weak that I couldn’t meditate or diet my way out of it, to name a few. Cut to current day, I take meds for it and I will probably do so for the rest of my life. You are not alone. You are not the sum of your fears. You are a wonderful person who just happens to have anxiety and you should be given a little extra love to make up for the shit your anxiety puts you through. Hugs and kisses, beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have severe PTSD from childhood, torture from age 2 through 12. It also left me with other issues that no one needs to wade through. However, the anxiety I can relate to. It is especially difficult because it doesn’t really go away, just changes triggers. You are on the right track. Never give up.

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  4. Anxiety wakes me in the night, stops me dead whilst I’m working, brings me to tears whilst I’m driving. Deep breaths, planting my palms on a surface, tapping my thumb to each of my fingers In turn all help to bring me back. But lately the thing that has helpEd me most is audiobooks. It may be taking me away from reality but I think any form of relief from anxiety has to be a positive one.

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  5. I didn’t realize I suffered from anxiety because it crept up slowly. I’m a perfectionist and am always trying to think ahead on all possible scenarios and figure my way through them.

    I suffered brain trauma which likely led to triggering the anxiety and I didn’t know for years. My natural inclinations to want to be perfect out of the gate made everything turn worse.

    At this point, as a deal with it partly with medication and partly with meditation – or anything else that can help my brain (diet, yoga, exercise in general, connecting with others), I realize that – often enough – I have to disassociate myself from the situation. The anxiety I’m feeling of completing fucking up something that I’m tasked to do at work – it isn’t likely I’m going to completely fuck it up. And I can get it wrong and learn and that doesn’t diminish me as a worker or a human being. And importantly, it’s not me. That work is just work and if it’s wrong it doesn’t mean I’M wrong or less in any way. It’s not easy, but I spend A LOT of time talking myself through the anxiety when it tells me how fucked up I am or the world is.

    I absolutely love your description at the beginning of the article. It is spot on!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I feel the same way about not realizing I had anxiety until much later in life. I realize now what held me back in my early years. Fear and anxiety are a horrible mixture for a young lady in middle school! LOL… Thank you so much for responding to this, though, and for sharing a bit of yourself. 🙂

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  6. Thank you for being authentic. Anxiety has the ability to alter our quality of life, if we let it. I’m glad you’re taking good care of yourself. Also, it’s important to remember that if someone doesn’t like you or seems like they don’t like you, it’s usually about them and nothing to do with you. Enjoy the life you have and keep on flicking.

    Liked by 1 person

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