Happy Friday from my neck of the woods, readers. I have been absolutely horrendous at posting blogs lately. I think I’ve actually missed the last three months and for that, I apologize. Not that you’ve missed me or that I bring so much insight to your life that I feel bad for going MIA, but more because the reason I haven’t been posting is because of the state of the world. And if my apology makes any of it easier to handle, great.
So, what’s been going on?
Oh! Yeah. COVID-19.
Yeah, it seems like we’re all still trudging along through this COVID-19 lifestyle for the foreseeable future, as if the light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting moved on us. It’s hard and, holy shit, it’s frustrating. As normal functioning adults, I think we all want to know when the hell this is going to end. I mean, isn’t that what we do when we’re going through something that just doesn’t jive with us? It’s the same way we feel when we grieve the loss of a loved one or the loss of a relationship. The depression that happens is inevitable (unless that relationship sucked and you’re really happy to be rid of the person-if that’s the case, good on ya!), and typically, it’s different for everyone.
This time, though, this depression that has befallen so many people is so relatable. Because we all have some sort of idea how it feels to have no idea when things will be better. Bluntly speaking, we have no friggin’ idea when it’s going to friggin’ end.
I’m pretty open and honest about my mental health with you all because I know when I found out there were other people out there who struggled, that I wasn’t alone, all of my issues didn’t feel as polarizing. It’s interesting how much more comfortable suffering is when you know you’re not doing it alone, as fucked up as that sounds…
But let me tell you, the last couple of months have been awful when it comes to handling anxiety and also trying to write romance when we aren’t supposed to be touching people and work a full time job and not contract an illness that could possible kill me.
Maybe I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of this? I’m sorry!
God, Erin, calm down… Breathe….
I will say this and hopefully, it won’t trigger anyone, but I have had the hardest time concentrating on writing. I had a manuscript due on June 1st, and I had to ask for an extension because I just could not finish it. I swear, it was like pulling perfectly healthy teeth. I have never had to have an extension. Not once! I’m neurotic when it comes to deadlines and I’ll hit that deadline, if it’s the last thing I do! But this time, I had to swallow that part of me and say, “this time, Imma need that extension…”
Once I got over that hump, I found writing to be a little easier. But what I really had to do is make a conscious decision that I needed to stop worrying obsessively over every single thing to do with COVID-19. Not because it’s not important.
But because COVID-19 is so seriously out of my control.
Sure, I wear a mask and I wash my hands and I have hand sanitizer in every nook and cranny of my car, purse, house, but all I can do is control myself. No one else. I have so badly wanted to shout at people not wearing masks, not practicing social distancing, acting as if nothing was happening. But doing that would only A) make me a Karen (not gonna happen) and B) do nothing to help myself (except maybe get out some of my aggression).
After I was able to handle all of that anxiety, I was able to start writing again. And it felt really good! Which is one of the reasons I was able to find enough words to submit a blog, but also, I have a feeling I’m not the only person who has been struggling with writing. Hell, struggling with EVERYTHING.
If you’ve been having a hard time, and you’re still having a hard time, know that you are not alone. There are millions of people out there who are worried and want to know when we can finally stop wearing masks and be able to hug people again. I just hope knowing that we can get through this together, by worrying about only ourselves, is absolutely possible.
Have a great Friday, everyone! Don’t forget to breathe.
And for Pete’s sake, WEAR A MASK!