Yeah…What Clifford said on Wednesday

I read Cliffi’s blog that she posted here just a couple days ago and I was all, “DAAAAAMN Cliffi’s in my head!”

I felt every single part of that blog. I’m a writer who’s not currently writing. I’ve done a bit of fanfic writing, but the existential EVERYTHING that we’ve all been dealing with has sapped the energy I’ve normally tapped to write.

I’m emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted right now from the onslaught of cray even as I prepare for worst case scenarios. Shit is shitty, y’all. And I don’t have the reserves to write.

I’m fortunate in that I’ve had a place to be and I still have a day job, but I’ve also been ensuring the safety of some relatives who are at higher risk during these pandemic days. And it’s been difficult. I can’t even imagine how difficult it’s been for people with kids. I think about the trauma this year has put on so many people who are doing the right thing and trying to keep their friends and loved ones safe but also being responsible to others and to the community at large. So many people have forgotten that we’re all part of interrelated networks, and your actions do have ripple effects (like, for example, the terrible situation in Maine).

So, like Cliffi, I’m not writing. I’m not beating myself up about it, either. Sometimes you just can’t, and you’ve had to route reserves elsewhere to get you through other things. That’s what I’m doing right now, and I’ll be able to write again, but that time is not now and, like Cliffi, I’ve been doing lots of other things. Like learning a few new skills, developing extant skills, and spending valuable time with family as well as connecting to others as I can and letting them know I care and I’m thinking about them. Isolation can be difficult, especially for those who deal with mental illness and/or chronic illness and/or disability.

I’ve accepted that right now is not writing time for me, and that’s okay. I’m focused on day to day, because each day is precious and I’m trying not to take anything for granted.

At any rate, y’all stay safe and take care of yourselves. Share some luv as you can, because we all need way more of that.

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