Recently my niece asked me how many t-shirts I own. I didn’t know. I came home and counted and discovered that between my shelf, the ones hanging in the closet, and the dozen or so in the laundry, I have 108. OMG. Who knew? But I simply cannot pass by a clever or snarky t-shirt, and my talented friend Jessie Chandler often makes shirts for me, so what’s a woman to do?
Everything has been so serious for so long since the pandemic and politics and death and destruction, so today I’m going to be lighthearted. Levity with Lori. <g>
Here are just a few of my best shirts. I’ll start with my current favorite, from my delightful friends Lee & Lainie Lynch. It’s the red one on the left below. I’m wearing it at this very moment while I’m typing this missive. This cool shirt is already a lucky charm because this month I have actually remembered to write this blog! A big thank you to Lee & Lainie!
In keeping with the book theme, I love the superpower tee on the right about reading – or it could be about writing, I suppose . . . although I haven’t been disappearing into *my* writing for quite some time now. Editing, editing, and more editing. Then again, disappearing into others’ writing has been rather fun lately. The middle saying is definitely about writing, and I know a lot of you out there have those voices talking to you (whether you’re a writer or not).
My former partner, Val Brown, once gave me a shirt that read, Dip Me In Chocolate And Throw Me To The Lesbians. I wish I could find that one! I’m not sure what happened to it. I did have to be a little careful where I wore it (being full-body immersed in chocolate is not as much fun as you think. Not only is it hot-hot-hot, but when it hardens up, like a dipped DQ cone does, many parts of your body are actually unbelievably uncomfortable. And stuck together. TMI, I know.)
Humor, on shirts or otherwise, is so tricky. What I think is humorous, another person might find stupid or offensive. I’m hoping not to offend anyone with the next section.
I bought my mom a shirt once that said, MANIC DEPRESSION: Sometimes you feel like a nut – sometimes you don’t. Happy Birthday, Mom!
(I think I gave her some perfume as well, so don’t worry about her feeling badly.)
We laughed hysterically about the shirt. I mean, if a person has brain chemistry issues as my mom did, I always felt it best to stay positive and laugh a lot, and Mom agreed (though she didn’t wear the shirt very often!).
I mention Jove Belle in the caption under the 4-plex photo above because I discovered I had to crop all my t-shirt pictures and then put them on just a few JPGs or else this post was going to be 15 pages long, and all the photos would be ENORMOUS. I wouldn’t have been able to do that without using Photoshop, which is the only photo program I know at this point. Thanks to Jove for her teaching patience, especially since I now know enough to be dangerous! (I just hope I’m a proton or an electron, not a moron.)
Over the years I’ve had a lot of t-shirts that refer to size, and below are my two favorites. I keep telling people I am a Woman of Substance. (A little boy about five once told me I needed to work on my bigness. I asked him what he meant, and he whispered that his mom told him he wasn’t allowed to use the word fat.) Yet another category that can be so hurtful to people, so I won’t wear a shirt that pokes fun at others. First person voice works better, I think. I was once given a shirt that said: I may be fat, but you’re mean and ugly and I can lose weight! That one was a wee tiny bit too aggro for me, and I think I gave it away. (After I got done laughing because that IS kind of funny.)
I have come to understand now that the Covid-19 designation refers to the 19 extra pounds we’ve all gained because of this #$%^&* pandemic. I hope it doesn’t go on much longer because one of the new variants is called B-526, and 19 was bad enough!
My next category has to do with how maddening things can be as we leave our 50’s and enter the next decade. I have learned that my brain buffer is dangerously short of space. As a result, the file cabinets of my brain have a harder time coughing up certain details: Where are my keys? Who took my favorite t-shirt? Oh no, I really thought I bought TP? Where the hell is the TV remote? (I live alone, and I can’t even say that I ask these questions of a pet because I don’t have one.)
Speaking of aging, Jessie Chandler hit the Big Five-Oh! a while back, and at her pizza party — even without the benefit of alcohol! — she made such a great observation, so I had her make me the t-shirt below.
Life is too short to BE shitty, and life is also too short for IT to be shitty. Score a double entendre for Jessie–her first ever! Yee haw!! <vbg>
Here’s hoping that your life is long and and healthy – and always very shirty!